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| "The new police recruits. Call them slobs. Call them jerks. Call them gross. Just don't call them when you're in trouble." - Police ACademy, 1984
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong" - Warren Buffett
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| That dreaded knock... |
| Saturday, 29 March 2008 |
It was 23:31 when my finger reached the bell...a few seconds later I tried once more. It had to be done...there was no way out of this.
Eventually the door opened.
Sometime later I found myself in their living room and saying the dreaded words "Unfortunately I have some bad news to give you. I'm afraid there's been a fatal accident in which your daughter was involved." I could hear my voice shaking at every other word that I said and knew that I had to find a way to control myself.
The worst was yet to come, giving the details that could be given and answering the the questions that could be answered. Eventually I managed to get some sort of control over my emotions and was able to give them the information they requested.
They were calm and controlled...mum did most of the talking and dad just sat there with a look on his face that I'm still trying to work out. Was it pain? Resentment? Guilt? I will never know...
We stand up and decide it was time to leave and as we do so the mum says "She has two children, you know? What is gonna happen with them?" Myself and my tutor just stood still in the middle of the hallway, I felt a lump in my throat and noticed that my tutor's shoulders dropped a little. "I'm so very sorry" was the only thing I could come up with, but it seemed to be enough. We left the house and drove the 60 something miles back to London in silence.
As I get home and close my front door I sit on the floor, in full uniform, and just cry. I cry for the family who just lost a loved one, I cry for the tragic way it happened, I cry for the way they had to be informed, I cry for the loved ones I have lost in the past and I cry for everything else that has upset me in the recent weeks. All of a sudden I have become an emotional mess.
She was a drug addict, an alcoholic and a thief but she was also a mother of two, 29 years old, to be 30 in a few days, a daughter and sister and most importantly a human being but she was her own worst enemy.
I have not been properly trained to do this and I wasn't prepared for it but you just take it on the chin and move on...hopefully tonight I'll be able to forget the picture of her on the tracks and of everything else that happened on Thursday night! Hopefully I will be better prepared for when it happens again...because it will, it's just a matter of time! |
posted by bawpc @ 00:33  |
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| I'm still around... |
| Friday, 21 March 2008 |
Just a quick update...
* the power adaptor for my laptop has broken.
* until Dell decides to send me the new one I'm relying on the battery and on my housemates lending me theirs.
* we finished our university training yesterday
* and went to the pub at 3pm, I got home just after 5 this morning...my head hurts.
* I found out where I'm going to be based
* and until our station is up and running I'm working out of the local Met nick...TUPC, watch out!
* I still have one more essay to do
* but I don't care because I'm just happy that it's over.
I'll be back when Dell pulls the finger out :-D, in the meantime stay safe! |
| posted by bawpc @ 15:26 |
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| Tuesday, 4 March 2008 |
2 weeks and 2 days of university to go.
I'm not coping well with all the pressures from work and personal life. Not at all.
Maybe it's the pressures from within that I can't cope with. I don't know. |
| posted by bawpc @ 19:25 |
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| About Me |
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Name: bawpc
Home: London, United Kingdom
About Me: I know how to let my hair down, I know when to be responsible, I drink, I party, I understand committment, I dread relationships, I dream and I cry when my dreams don't come true. I'm young, yet grown up, I'm scared yet brave, I'm pretty yet the little ugly duckling, I can love, I know how to hate, I'm passionate, compassionate, impatient, fiery. I share, I talk, I love (again), I like to be on my own, I like companionship. I'm complicated...because I'm only human.
See my complete profile
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