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| "The new police recruits. Call them slobs. Call them jerks. Call them gross. Just don't call them when you're in trouble." - Police ACademy, 1984
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong" - Warren Buffett
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| Hope... |
| Thursday, 22 May 2008 |
 - "Can I have a copy of that CCTV you downloaded for the police?" he said with a calm, warm voice but I could tell he was holding back the tears.
- "I'll have to check but I can't see it being a problem, sir" I reply.
- "I understand if I can't have it just yet but I'd like to eventually be able to." The warmth in his voice is disrupted by what I imagine is the first tear rolling down his face.
- "Sure, I'll get back to you once it's been cleared" I say.
- "It's just that, erm, it shows his last minutes as he walks to his car..." and he stops to clear his throat but decides to say nothing else. After the conversation ended I sit there for a minute and can feel my stomach turning upside down, inside out...I might just be sick in a minute.
I had forgotten about this until my colleague brought it up earlier in the afternoon.
"Remember the lad that went missing?" he says
"Yeah, what about him?" I reply, a pitch too high.
"They found him..."
I knew they would! A little part of me is feeling very happy and I briefly imagine the relief in the granddad's face, however I can't help but think that this irresponsible kid thought it would be funny to go to a friends place for the weekend without a care in the world. I knew he would be somewhere, probably taking drugs, drinking or doing something vaguely thoughtless like that. Of course he would, he was 22, earned his own money, lived a happy life, why else would he disappear just like that?
"B, they found him dead in his car. He drove off the road and hit a tree in a ditch on his way home from the station" my colleague says. Suddenly I snap out of my little dream. I hoped this kid would think it funny to go to a friends place for the weekend without a care in the world. I hoped he would be somewhere, maybe taking drugs, drinking or doing something vaguely thoughtless like that. I really hoped he would, he was 22, earned his own money, lived a happy life...that explain why he disappeared just like that.
It took the police a few days of searching, the last two using the helicopter, to find his car crashed off the road. Was it purely an accident or was there another vehicle involved? Was he a drink driver, talking on his mobile phone or wearing his seatbelt? Did he have insurance, MOT and was his car road worthy? Can we blame it on the weather? The weatherman maybe for not getting it right? A fox or wild animal, a ghost, tiredness, distraction, old tyres, wrong shoes, bad road surface, loud music, poor lighting, his own will...there's a number of things that could have sent him off that road, individually or combined together any of them could have killed him but there's something inside of me that won't let me believe it.
I hoped he was at a friend's house, maybe taking drugs, drinking or doing something vaguely thoughtless like that, without a care in the world. I just really, really hoped... |
posted by bawpc @ 23:18  |
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| Back to life, back to reality...and it's not nice! |
| Monday, 19 May 2008 |
He was polite, well educated and clever. Probably in his 60s and looked like he didn't have an easy life. Pleasing company and easy to talk to. I caught myself wondering what his life had been like before Friday night. Was he retired with a part time job in the local shops or did he look after his garden most of the time? He said it was the first time he had to call the police and that he was pleased with our efforts. I noticed that he was making small talk, trying to keep himself busy. Was it to stop himself from crying in front of me? His eyes were red, he had cried already. Suddenly I imagined this man sat in the wee hours of the morning, head in hands and tears rolling freely down his face.
What struck me was the look in his eyes, the anguish of not knowing what had happened. The look of tiredness as well, after all he had been out for the last couple of days searching. Endless searches, phone calls and more searches. He didn't find anything but he felt like he had to try if only to make himself feel better.
His grandson had not returned home after a night out, his car was nowhere to be found and his phone was dead. By searching he was trying to convince himself that his grandson was still alive and nothing had happened.
The sight of this man and the pain he was going through made me feel sick. I swallowed hard a couple of times but my eyes were dry and my face showed little emotion. It was the only way to get through this encounter looking professional.
I wish I hadn't come back... |
| posted by bawpc @ 11:43 |
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| About Me |
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Name: bawpc
Home: London, United Kingdom
About Me: I know how to let my hair down, I know when to be responsible, I drink, I party, I understand committment, I dread relationships, I dream and I cry when my dreams don't come true. I'm young, yet grown up, I'm scared yet brave, I'm pretty yet the little ugly duckling, I can love, I know how to hate, I'm passionate, compassionate, impatient, fiery. I share, I talk, I love (again), I like to be on my own, I like companionship. I'm complicated...because I'm only human.
See my complete profile
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